The Good Husband’s Guide to Potty Training

In my last post, I told you that we have started potty training Jillian. Just like the 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), I believe that there are 5 stages of potty training:

1. Reasoning: You think, “hey, my kid is smart. I can just tell them the benefits of using the potty, a little practice, and potty training will be done.”

I know what you are thinking – “Isn’t this Adam & Missy’s second child? Shouldn’t they have known better?” And you would be correct to think that, but when you’re in the heat of battle I think you tend to try and stay optimistic even when you really know better.

2. Peer Pressure: This is like an extension of reasoning but a little more desperate. You start pointed out to your child all of the people that use the potty and don’t wear diapers. “Com’on, all of the cool kids are using the potty!!! Don’t you want to be a really cool big kid?!!!”

Okay, Now really know what you are thinking, “if reasoning didn’t work, why would they think that this work?” But with your second child you are even more susceptible to actually thinking this might work. Your second child absolutely worships the first and wants to emulate everything that they do so why wouldn’t it work for potty training. In our case, Jillian did want to emulate Emily by sitting on the potty but that’s where it ended. This made the situation even more frustrating because we spent a lot of time sitting by the potty with Jillian but nothing would happen. Then 5 minutes after you put her diaper back on, Jillian was ready to be changed again.

3. Bribery: By now you start to realize that the reason that your first two strategies did not work is that not being potty trained is actually a pretty good deal. At this age your child is old enough to ask for a diaper change when it starts to hang too low or get too heavy or just feel plain icky. Having your diaper changed whenever you want is like your own personal spa treatment several times a day. But before you decide that since you couldn’t beat them so you might as well join them and start shopping for Depends, you decide that it’s time to make potty training a little more rewarding by offering a bribe for using the potty.

This strategy may have worked back when we were kids. Back then life was pretty tough. On a good day, you could get four TV channels and as a kid, you just lived for the hour and a half of children’s television that was broadcast each day (1 hour of Sesame Street and ½ hour of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood). Little girls spent their days praying that the clothes line would break to they could have another jump rope and little boys would scour the neighborhood looking for sticks and limbs that they could pretend were guns so they can play War or Cowboys & Indians. So back then if you could earn a nickel, dime or quarter to use the potty, that was a pretty good deal.

But these days, kids have it too easy for that. About a dozen kids channels with 24-hours-a-day children’s programming. And don’t get me started on DVD players!!! Kids don’t even have to wait for the videotape to rewind anymore. Gone are the days when kids learned to walk by pushing the lawn mower in neat rows. So what is a quarter or a dollar bribe to the kid that already has everything? Nothing, so don’t even bother. Just move on to stage 4.

4. Up the Level of Discomfort: Up until now potty training has been your problem not your child’s problem. You have tried reasoning, peer pressure and bribery in order to get your kid to take ownership of this problem but to no avail. Now it’s time to make life a little less comfortable for those in the household that are not potty trained. For instance, implementing a rule that everyone has to wear big girl panties (or big boy underwear) during waking hours. Diapers and pull-ups pull the moisture away from the skin and keep your child comfortable but this is certainly not the case when they are wearing cloth underwear and they have an accident.

A few things to keep in mind, during this stage of the game. First, you will need a lot of changes of underwear. Second, keep the child off of anything that don’t want soaked in bodily waste like rugs, carpets, etc. Also, you need to be a little bit of hard-ass during this stage. Your child will be uncomfortable and upset during this stage and probably ask for their diaper or pull-ups but you have to stay strong and know that it’s for the greater good to get through potty training. And finally, stay close to home during this phase. Your child’s bladder is about the size of a snow pea so when they have to go they really have to go right away and putting your child in a diaper to go out will only send mixed signals and create more set backs.

5. Acceptance: Let’s face it the first 4 stages were really just gimmicks and like most gimmicks they didn’t really work or only had limited success. So now its time to just accept the fact that it’s going to take a lot of time and hard work to get through this important time in your child’s life and for them to learn this critical life skill. You resign yourself to take your child to the potty every 20 to 30 minutes regardless of whether or not they say they have to go. After a few days of running to the potty a couple times an hour things will start to click.

So there you have it, that’s my take on potty training. This time it only took Missy and I about 2 days to get through the first four stages and now we are in stage five and things are starting to click for Jillian (with Emily it took us about 2 weeks to get through the first four stages so we have improved). A successful visit to the potty usually results in Mommy, Daddy and big sister applauding and cheering. Jillian has started to let us know when she needs to go tinkle so we don’t have as many forced visits to the potty.

Stage 1: "Hey Jillian, sitting on the potty is a good time to catch up on your reading."

And singing?

Stage 5: Acceptance

Random Notes

1. Since working from home, I have started watching the Sopranos on A&E and I really like it. We don't have HBO, so this is the first time that I am watching. I watch the episodes that come on every day and the episodes that come on Sunday nights. The daily episodes are older and the weekly episodes are much more recent, so sometimes I get confused. I should really just watch the daily episodes to get caught up, but I can't resist watching it whenever it comes on Sunday Nights.

2. Have you ever noticed on Biography (either on A&E or on the Biography Channel) that you can always tell when the subject person's last spouse comes into the picture? For instance, pick a random movie star and no matter how sleazy this movie star was, whoring around and cheating, that when the last spouse comes into the picture, the people being interviewed start talking about these loftier notions of true love and how much they were meant for each other. The person could be a total sleazebag for the first 70 years of his or her life, but when they finally met that last person that was 1/3 of their age then it was true love!!! I feel like throwing my shoe at the TV screen and shouting, "OF COURSE HE NEVER CHEATED ON THIS WIFE!! HE'S 85 YEARS OLD!!!" I don't want to name names, but I am sure that you have all seen those episodes. Person falls in love, gets married, cheats, gets divorced. Falls in love again, gets married, cheats, gets divorced. This goes on and on until the person is in his 80's and finally hooks up with a young chippie. All of a sudden, the friends being interviewed start gushing about how happy they are that this guy finally found the right woman to settle down with. Are you kidding?!! I always feel sorry for those earlier spouses because they never come out very good in these Biography Specials. Am I alone, or does that bug you too?

3. Quick update on the kids: They are doing well, but fighting constantly. I think it's normal, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating. Jillian is the instigator and Emily usually takes the bait. It usually doesn't get violent, maybe a small shove every once in a while. For the most part, it's usually just some yelling and foot stomping. The other day was funny because Jillian took a jump rope that Emily was playing with and when I told Emily to let me handle it she said, "No, I'm going to get in her face!!!" I know it's bad, but it caught me by surprise and I had to turn away and laugh. I don't even know where she learned that expression! It took a second for me to regain my composure and handle the situation. On another note, we started potty training Jillian, which is also very frustrating. Hopefully, we'll get through this before she goes back to preschool.