THE 10 SIMPLE RULES

Here is a recipe for disaster

-1 four year old whose new favorite phrase is, “I wanna do it all by myself!!”

-1 one year old whose two favorite words are, “NO” and “MINE!!!”

-1 house filled to the rim with toys.

I am, of course, talking about SHARING. Now most of us already know that Emily does not have a very good track record when it comes to sharing. I remember one time back in 2005 when we had our young neighbors, Mac & Allie, over for a visit. Emily came running down stairs in tears and we had the following conversation;

Emily: “DADDY!!!!”

Adam: “what?”

Emily: “Daddy, I wanted to get my favorite book and I pulled and pulled as hard as I can but I can’t get it!!”

Adam: very confused says, “Well Emily, where is this book?”

Emily: “It’s in Allie’s hand!!!!”

Houston, we have a problem!!!

In January 2006, Emily became the big sister to a little infant named, Jillian. This infant could not walk and talk and most importantly could not get into any Emily’s toys so we really had no problem there.

When this little infant learned to crawl and walk is when it started to dawn on Emily that this little intruder may actually want to play with a toy every now and again. The arguments used to start out with Jillian helping herself to a toy that Emily hasn’t played with in years and then the “GREEN-EYED MONSTER” would get a hold of Emily. All of a sudden this toy that hadn’t seen the light of day in quite some time has now become Emily’s favorite toy.

Lately, Emily has become more accustomed to sharing her toys with her little sister and the arguments were getting to be fewer and further between. But now that Jillian has become more verbal and has learned words like, “NO” and “MINE”, the arguments have started to pick up again. This time, it’s Jillian starting more of the arguments.

What is a father to do in these situations? My first thought is of, 1 KINGS 3:16–28, and I command my wife, Missy, to bring me my sword so that I can divide the toy in half. There are a number of problems with this:

1. I don’t own a sword.
2. Could you imagine the mess of having pink Smoovdah pieces all over the house?
3. Missy does not take well to being “commanded” to do ANYTHING!!!

So my second plan was to come up with THE 10 SIMPLE RULES:

1. Each child may have one toy designated as a “special toy”.

2. The owner always has recall rights of their special toy.

3. All non-special toys are first come, first serve.

4. All new toys maintain special toy status with all recall rights that come with that status for the first week of ownership.

5. After one week, a toy is no longer considered “new” and is then designated as a non-special toy and first come, first serve rules apply to that toy.

6. Possession of a toy is considered relinquished if the child is more than 10 feet away from the toy in question for longer than 5 minutes.

7. Possession of a toy is considered relinquished if the child has not had physical contact with the toy in question for over 15 minutes.

8. A child may only change her designated special toy once a week maximum and changes must be submitted in writing.

9. The closest adult will settle all disputes over toys.

10. All adult decisions are final and no amount of crying and/or screaming will change that decision.

Here are pictures of Emily and Jillian with their designated special toys:

Above: Jillian w/ Hannah (her baby doll)

Below: Emily w/ Smoovdah (her ugly pink dog)

If this works, who knows what's next? An appointment to the supreme court? A job as a Middle East Peace Negotiator? The world is wide open for a genius like myself.

My Stock is on the Rise - Part 1

I think that I am slowly having a break-through with my younger daughter, Jillian. And like many great break-throughs this one started while I was sitting on the toilet. I had come home from work on Monday and Missy left for school. After Jillian's mandatory 10-minute crying spell, I fed the girls dinner. Then we all went outside and I loaded them both into the little red wagon and pulled them around the neighborhood for about an hour. Once we got back to our house we stayed outside for another 30 minutes blowing bubbles and kicking the soccer ball (Actually, Jillian blew the bubbles and Emily kicked the soccer ball while I was laying in the grass exhausted from pulling that damn wagon around the neighborhood.).

Once I recovered and got back on my feet, I got the girls back into the house and set them in front of the TV so that I can go into my "reading room" and have a well deserved BM. I left the door cracked open so that I can hear the girls. I just got done reading my first page of Harry Potter when all of a sudden the door swings open and Jillian and I have our most in depth conversation to date:

Door swings open

Jillian: "Noooooooooo!!!"

Note: To be honest, this is not an uncommon reaction when one of the women of the house finds me sitting on the toilet.

Adam: "What?!! I courtesy flushed!!!"

Jillian: "Outside"

Adam: "You want to go back outside?"

Jillian: "Yeah!!!" (Translated as, "Hell Yes!!!" because it was accompanied by bouncing and frantic head nodding.)

Adam: "Well, can Daddy finish going to the potty first?"

Jillian: "Nooooooooooooo!!!"

Adam: stalling for time says, "but we were just outside."

Jillian: "Outside"

Adam: still stalling for time says, "you really wanna go back outside?"

Jillian: "yeah!!!" (Hell Yes)

Long Pause

Note: At this point I figured that maybe if I stop talking she will get bored and walk away and I can go back to reading my book.

Long Pause

Another Note: Jillian does not take the hint and just thinks that Daddy is not smart enough to know what she is talking about so she decided to get more specific.

Jillian: "Garage!!!"

Adam: "You want to go out to the garage?"

Jillian: "Yeah!!!" (Hell Yes)

Adam: "Why do you wanna go out to the garage?'

Jillian: "Bubbles"

Adam: "You wanna go out to the garage and blow bubbles?"

Note: we always keep large bottles of bubble soap and large bubble wands out in the garage.

Jillian: "Yeah!!!" (Hell Yes)

Adam: "Okay, go tell Emmy that we are going back outside and blow bubbles."

Jillian: "Yeah!!!" (Hell Yes)

At this point thankfully Jillian ran from the room to tell her sister and Daddy was able to quickly finish his business.

Years from now when I look back at this historic moment in my life, hopefully I'll be able to forget that I was on the toilet when it happened.

Emily in 2005

(you didn't expect me to post a picture of myself on the potty, did you?!!!)

We Belong in the Zoo

Today, I took my daughters to Zoo Atlanta. We had a great day, even though Zoo Atlanta has a really big shortage of parking. In fact, the lack of parking actually added to our family fun today. Zoo Atlanta is inside of a huge park called Grant Park and the only parking spot that I could find was several blocks away from the zoo entrance. This meant that we had to walk through a lot of Grant Park on the way to the zoo. So of course, we had to stop at the playground for an hour and we also stopped and had the picnic that I packed under a shady group of oak trees in Grant Park.

When we finally made it into the zoo, we had a very good time. Although, I had a hard time explaining to Jillian that she was not allowed to go over the fences and pet the animals in the non-petting zoo portions of the zoo. By the end of the day, Jillian had tested my patience to the limit to the point that I was seriously considering letting her have a go in the lion exhibit. Okay, I am exaggerating. All I really did was encourage her to pet that mean black & white goat that always gave Emily a hard time during previous Zoo Atlanta petting zoo visits.

Here are some pictures that I took throughout the day:

"Com'on Daddy, let's go to the zoo!!!"

"Daddy, can I bring Smoovdah to the zoo with us?"

"Daddy, look at me!!!"

"CHEEEESE!!!"

"A cold pizza & ginger ale picnic!!! Daddy, you ARE a genius!!!"

Mandatory zoo pictures



"We finally made it to the petting zoo!!!! Hey Jilly, let's go find the black & white goat."

Genius, Thy Name is Adam

I don't mean to brag, but when you are as smart as I am, it's just telling it like it is. Let me back up a second and give you some specifics:

We have lived in this house in Buford, Georgia for over six years. As the years have gone by, like most people, we have been putting stuff in storage down in our unfinished basement. But unlike most people, for us it was all part of a finely crafted strategy for life long fitness.

Oh yes, I know that a lot of people have unused treadmills that they finally got tired of using as a place to hang laundry and moved them down to the basement. And oh yes, a lot of people go through their kid's toys regularly and haul the ones that haven't had any recent playtime down to the basement. But does everyone do it with the specific purpose of having an automatic, "no excuses" reason to exercise regularly?

Let me explain. My weight loss adventure has taken a new turn this week as I am hitting more and more weight plateaus. I have added regular exercise to my daily routine. So on Monday, Emily wanted to go down to the basement and exercise with me. When we got downstairs, she saw all of her old toys piled up in the corner. All of a sudden, she was not thinking about exercise. She played quietly with her "old friends", and I was able to exercise in peace.

Now here comes the genius part of the story. On Tuesday, from the time I woke up until the time I went to the basement to exercise, Emily constantly asked me, "Daddy, can we go to the basement and exercise yet?" Then on Wednesday, "Daddy, can we go to the basement and exercise yet?" Then Thursday, "Daddy, can we go to the basement and exercise yet?" And so on....

So now I have no choice but to exercise everyday, or face a very unhappy 4 year old. And it was all part of my well orchestrated plan all along. Adam, you are a genius!!!!

Mean Daddy

This afternoon Missy left for school as is our Wednesday afternoon routine. Part of the routine includes a mandatory 10 minutes of Jillian crying her eyes out before coming to terms with being stuck at home with Daddy. This time during Jillian's crying fit Emily and I had the following conversation:

Jillian crying at the front door

Emily: "Daddy"

Adam: "yes"

Emily: "How come Jilly doesn't like you?"

Adam: "Jilly loves me but right now she just loves Mommy more."

Emily: "Daddy"

Adam: "What"

Emily: "How come Jilly loves Mommy more than you?"

Adam: "because Daddy is mean"

Emily: "oh okay"

Satisfied with this answer Emily goes back to playing with her dolls.

Adam: waiting for Emily to stop and say, "no Daddy, you are not mean!!!"

Adam: still waiting...

Adam: still waiting...

Adam: still waiting...

Note to the reader: At the time of this post Adam was still waiting for someone to assure him that he was not a mean Daddy.

Adam: still waiting...

The McAnally Cross-Country Team

The last few days, the McAnally Cross-Country Team has been out walking the neighborhood. The members of the team are as follows:

Team Captain: Adam
Team Lookout: Emily
Team Rookie: Jillian

The rules are simple:

-Team members start from our house.
-Two walking and one riding in little red push-car.
-Team Captain is not allowed to ride in the push-car (this is not so much a rule as it is a general guideline).
-Walk until one of the members of the team throws a tantrum or fakes an injury then turn around and walk home.
-Finish at our house.

There are a number of different strategies that the Team Captain can employ to maximize speed and distance:

Strategy #1
-Rookie in the push-car
-Lookout in front keeping a close eye out for dog poop or anything else that the Captain may not want to step in.
-Captain pushing the car and constantly reminding the Lookout of her very important job.

Tips for Success:
-This is generally the starting lineup for the walk so it is advisable to make the most of this opportunity to achieve speed and distance. Any lineup change after this point will only slow you down.
-Captain should also keep a close eye out for dog poop because the Lookout is very easily distracted by birds, dogs, flowers and anything else you can think of. Also she does not always recognize dog poop at first glance.
-Captain should always make up a game to keep the Lookout motivated and maximize speed and distance of the walk. (Note: treasure hunt, marching songs and “step on a crack and break your mother’s back” generally work pretty well.)

Strategy #2
-Rookie in the push-car
-Captain in the back keeping a close eye out for dog poop, the rookie and the Lookout (not necessarily in that order).
-Lookout pushing the car.

Tips for success:
-Captain needs to keep a close eye on the Lookout because when going down hill she likes to play the game of letting go of the push-car and then running to catch up with it to see if she can grab it. (Note: the Captain regrets ever teaching that game to the Lookout.)

Strategy #3
-Lookout in the push-car.
-Rookie walking along side.
-Captain pushing the car and keeping a close eye on the Rookie (because if he thought the Lookout was easily distracted then he hasn’t seen anything yet!!!).

Tips for Success
-This lineup is typically used for the last leg of the walk and is usually necessary for the final push home.
-This lineup typically causes numerous stops along the way, which will cause the Lookout to spend most of the time honking to horn of the push-car. Team Captain might feel inclined to have a temper tantrum of his own but this is not advisable since he probably has the neighbors watching him.
-At this stage of the journey no one is looking out for dog poop and the Captain is so aggravated that stepping in poop would actually be the highlight of the trip.

In general, I am not really sure which is being exercised more, my body or my patience, but it gives me something to do with my girls and despite all of the complaints, tantrums and faked injuries; they always want to go again the next day.

So if you are ever in my neighborhood and see the McAnally Cross Country Team go by, just don’t sit there!!! Help me!!!!

Just call me "Not the Mommy"

I think one of the hardest parts of being a new dad is coming to terms with the fact that you are not #1 to your new baby. In my case, I was very distant #2 for the first two years of Emily's life. It was not until after she turned two years old that my stock really started to rise with Emily until I was on almost equal footing as her mother. It is like that 1990's sitcom Dinosaurs about the dinosaur family named the Sinclairs. The baby dinosaur called his mother, "Mama" and called his father, "not the mama" usually after hitting the father on the head with a frying pan.

Right now I am going through this with my second daughter, Jillian (Thank God, not the frying pan part). It is a little bit easier the second time around since now I know not to take it personally and in time she will grow to appreciate me more. Also the fact that Missy goes to school in the evenings several days a week and works part-time on the weekends, has helped me in building my relationship with Jillian. Although sometimes we have moments like last night that really put me in my place:

Jillian: comes running in the room and says, "MOMMY!!!"

Adam: "No Mommy is not here right now, say DADDY"

Jillian: "Mommy"

Adam: "Say Daaaadddy"

Jillian: "Mommy"

Adam: "Emily, come over here for a minute and say Daddy"

Emily: walks over and says, "Why"

Adam: "Don't ask why just say Daddy"

Emily: "Daddy"

Adam: claps excitedly and says, "Yaaaaay!!!! now say it again"

Emily: More confused than ever says "Daddy?!!"

Adam: again, claps excitedly and says, "Yaaaaaay!!!"

Adam: turns to Jillian and says, "Jillian, now you say Daddy"

Jillian: with a big mischievous smile says, "Nooooooo"

At least she said something other than "Mommy".

Jillian in May of 2007

No Scissors + Lazy Daddy = Tattooed Daughter

This Sunday, Emily came to me with a sheet of 12 temporary tattoos and asked me if I would put one of them on her leg. I looked for a pair of scissors to cut one of the tattoos out but could not find any scissors upstairs. I did not want to go downstairs to get a pair so here is the result:

My Perfect Record

I do not mean to brag but I just cannot contain myself any longer. Like many men in our nation's distinguished history, such as Clark Kent and Peter Parker, I have been hiding my amazing super power from the general public. But now I am finally willing to let the readers of this blog in on the knowledge of my secret super power.



Before I come right out and say it, I think I should give you a little background information. My wife, Missy, loves watching the Food Network and since I love Missy, I end up spending some time watching the Food Network as well. One of the shows on Food Network is $40 A DAY. If you haven't seen the show it is pretty simple. In each episode Rachael Ray is in a different vacation destination and her goal is to eat all of her meals for less than $40 per day.



During the show there are some tense moments just as Rachael is taking that first bite of her reasonably priced meal. Is she going to like it enough to make yummy noises? Or is she going to spit it out and ask what kind of crap are they trying to feed her? The average viewer has no way of knowing until she takes a bite and gives her reaction. But I have the amazing ability to know whether or not she is going to like what she has ordered.



I know what you are thinking, "no way could anyone be able to accurately predict whether or not Rachael is going to like what she has ordered with 100% accuracy!!!"



Well you would be right if you were talking about a normal non-super power having individual. But my friends, I have a perfect record when it comes to predicting her reaction. I can take the countless number of variables:

1. the quality of the food


2. the quality of the service


3. is the chef having a bad day when Rachael comes strolling in?


4. accuracy of the menu

The list goes on and on but somehow I am able to cut through all of the different variables and just sense whether or not she is going to like her food or not. So far, I have not abused this super power and used it to make stock or lottery number picks. With great power comes great responsibility. Although it is getting tough not to take advantage of this amazing super power. Last Saturday night, Missy and I were lying in bed watching $40 A DAY and here is what happened:

On the television: Rachael Ray walks into a restaurant and orders a
reasonably priced meal.

Just before the meal arrives Adam says, "I bet she is going to like
it!!!"

A few tense moments pass as Missy and Adam wait for Rachael to take her
first bite and give her reaction.

On the television: Rachael Ray: "Mmmmmmm, that is
delicious"

Adam: "Yes, I was correct again!!!"

Missy shakes her head in disbelief and is so awed that she cannot speak but Adam could tell what she was thinking, "Adam, you are truly amazing!!! Take me now Stallion!!!"

But Adam's strict super hero code does not allow him to take advantage of the situation so he lets the moment pass and before a few seconds go by, Missy rolls over and goes to sleep.

I wonder if Clark Kent faces these kinds of moral dilemmas in his dealings with Lois Lane?

In any case, I have entrusted you, the Adam's Blog Reader, with this amazing secret. Please do not divulge the details of my super power to any of my arch-enemies. There is no telling the kind of danger that my loved ones would be in if this knowledge were to fall into the wrong hands.

The Story of How Jillian Came into the World - Part 1

Adam: “Hey Missy, I’m feeling a little frisky…”

No, no, no, not that story!!! Fast-forward about 9 months:

It was just another ordinary night and Missy was nine months pregnant. We were getting into bed when I noticed Missy pause for a moment and grimace. I asked her if she was alright and she said that she was. I asked her if she thought she was going into labor and she said that she wasn’t sure but if she was then it was the very early stages and we still had a long while before we had to take any action but just in case we double and triple checked the bag that she had packed a month earlier for us to take to the hospital. So that night we went to sleep wondering if tomorrow would be the day that the women of the McAnally house would secure their firm majority status with another member. Even though this was our second daughter, we were in uncharted territory for us because Emily was induced and we knew a week ahead of time that she was coming.

I was in for a long night of uneasy sleep mixed with constantly going over the crucial things that an expecting father needs to remember:

1. Counting from 1 all the way to 10 during the pushing portion of the delivery.
2. Encouraging wife to breathe.
3. Providing ice chips as necessary.

It was a lot to remember but after all, I was not a rookie. I was a highly trained, veteran “Birthing-Partner”. I had attended the full battery of classes offered by the hospital for expecting parents and performed quite well during the birth of my first daughter, Emily.

But I think the worst part of the night was looking over at my soundly sleeping wife. What was wrong with her? Didn’t she know what was about to happen? Didn’t she know the pressure that I was under? Those ice chips just don’t bring themselves, you know?!!!

The next morning finally came and I got out of bed and asked Missy how she felt. She said that she felt about the same as the night before and that I should go to work because if she was in labor, it was still only the very early stages and there was a long way to go. She was very calm and she rolled back over and went back to sleep so I went to work.

Let me pause here and give you a little side story. I am a big fan of the old TV show “I Love Lucy” and one of my favorite episodes is about the birth of Little Ricky. During this episode as Lucy approaches the end of her pregnancy, Ricky, Fred and Ethel decide that they need to practice for the moment that Lucy needs to go to the hospital. So the three of them divide up the required tasks and hold several trial runs. To kick off each trial run, Ricky would pretend to be Lucy and stoically march into the living room and proclaim in a loud and calm voice “THE TIME HAS COME!!!” This would send them into action. Ethel would calmly walk to the phone and call Lucy’s doctor. Fred would grab the suitcase and head downstairs to hail a cab and Ricky would help Lucy with her coat and walk her out the door and down the stairs. Of course, when the real thing happens everyone but Lucy panics and forgets his or her assigned duties and the whole thing is NOT kicked off by a loud and calm “THE TIME HAS COME!!!”

But I always liked the idea of a woman about to give birth stoically proclaiming, “THE TIME HAS COME!!!” So I asked Missy, before the birth of both of our children, when the time comes to be taken to the hospital to please stoically march into the room and proclaim, “THE TIME HAS COME!!!” She is not a big I Love Lucy fan so she never really understood.

We missed the chance when Emily came since the event was scheduled a week ahead of time and I felt funny asking the doctor to make such a proclamation. In that case I had to settle for the doctor saying, “I am scheduling you to be admitted to the hospital for induction.”

But this time was different. I drove to work wondering if she was really in labor or if I would come home that evening and hear a story about bad indigestion. I was at work for about three hours and I was out on the shop floor when the loud speaker began to crackle:

Receptionist (over the loud speaker): “Adam McAnally, THE TIME HAS COME!!!”

To be continued...

Take a Letter, Maria

Do you ever wonder why people that have high positions in large corporations are so dumb these days? Really just watch CNBC or any business news show where they interview CEO's, COO's, CFO's, etc. These guys are morons!!! Look at the Enron executives, those guys weren't just playing dumb, they really were very dumb. But I finally figured it out and the secret to success is: "Take a Letter, Maria."

I used to share an office with a retiree that would come back work for us part-time. This guy was fairly high up in my company years ago before he retired as a very wealthy man. I used to wonder how this guy made it so high up in the company since he is very smart and he is a "straight-shooter". He always seemed to say what was on his mind. How did he make it so high in the company without making the kind of enemies that a "straight-shooter" normally makes these days. But then I finally figured it out.

On the days that he would come in and work, he would come into the office and start up his computer. He then proceeded to print out every email so he could read them on paper instead of reading them directly off of the computer screen. Then when he would have to send a letter or email he would write it out long-hand with pencil and paper and give it to the receptionist to type out for him. Then he would proof read it and send it out.

At first I thought that this guy was just very old fashioned and that he really needed to "get with the times." But then I slowly began to realize that he was really giving me the keys to vault. Think about it. These days in big companies the people above us come out with the most ludicrous policies and send them out on mass-emails. Those of us with brains in our heads and care about our companies sometimes respond in the following way:

Step 1: Receive and read email with ludicrous policy change on it.

Step 2: Conscientious employee reads email and gets upset.

Step 3: Conscientious employee clicks "REPLY TO ALL" and types the following response:

Dear Moron,

This policy is ridiculous and will only drive bad behaviour in the
company. Could you please refrain from making more stupid policies like
this so that we can keep this crappy company afloat for a few more years and
maybe some of us can get a retirement out of the deal?

Thanks,
Conscientious Employee

Step 4: Conscientious employee is labeled as a "non-team player" and his career goes nowhere.

Meanwhile, the dumber employees, who don't know any better, or the employees that are "political animals" only thinking about the short-term benefits are the ones that are labeled as "team players" and move swiftly up the chain. These guys don't know and/or care about the destruction that they are leaving in their wake.

But my retiree friend really has the secret to success. He prints out all of his emails so that when he gets mad he can just crumple it up and throw it away instead of hitting the "REPLY TO ALL" button and destroying his career with just one email. When he does need to send something out to the masses he takes the time to write it out long-hand then has someone else type it up for him and finally he proof reads it himself before sending it out. There is plenty of time to cool down and plenty of chances to remove and career limiting phases like "hey you, moron!!!"

For now I have made up this little reminder for myself that is hanging above my desk:

Stroll Down Memory Lane

Do you ever hear a song that really brings you back? This morning that song was U2 and B.B. King singing "When Love Comes to Town". It brought me right back to 1988 at Islip Movie Theater watching Rattle & Hum with my brother, John, and our friend, Kathy.

Then I remembered the time that the three of us went to see the original Die Hard movie at the Islip Movie Theater. When we got to the theater and sat down we looked around and noticed that we were the only ones in the theater. We all talked and came to the conclusion that this movie must really stink if we are the only ones that came out to see it. It turned out to be a great movie and one that I currently own on both VHS and DVD. We found out later that the reason that no one else was in the theater is that the newspaper printed the wrong schedule for the movie times and we knew the correct times because we called the theater and listened to the recorded schedule (this, of course, was before the Internet age). Also FYI... Die Hard 4 will be coming out this summer.

Then I started to think about all the movies that my family and Kathy's family went to together and the good times that we used to have. In fact, Kathy's mother used to say "it's just not a good movie if Adam isn't there to watch it with". Or at least she used to say something like that.

I know what you are thinking: "why do most of Adam's childhood memories involve going to the movies?" Yes, we used to go to the movies a lot but it was always an event. It wasn't whether or not the movie was good or bad, it was about who you were with and the fun that you had driving to the theater, waiting on line for tickets and popcorn, finding a good seat and talking with each other while waiting for the previews to start and finally talking about the movie on the way home.

Anonymous Comments

I have changed the settings of my blog to allow anonymous comments. So even if you do not have a Google account you can leave me a comment.

So go ahead and let me have it.

What Goes Around...

Yesterday, after eating dinner, I was still a little hungry so I started eating celery sticks. Emily picked up one of my celery sticks and we had this conversation:

Emily: "Daddy, I want to feed this to you."

Adam: "Emily, I am not a baby and do not need you to feed me."

Emily: "No Daddy, not like a baby, I want to feed you like a cow."

I guess I deserved that for calling her a Goober.