The Princess, The Monkey and The What?!!!

This Saturday, I took the girls to a birthday party. While Emily was playing with her classmates in the sandbox, I heard this conversation:

Four year old #1: "My Daddy calls me Princess."

Four year old #2: "My Daddy calls me Monkey."

Four year old #3: "My Daddy calls me a Goober."

Can you guess which four year old above was Emily?

Emily on a Pony-4/28/2007

Oh Hello Officer, Is There a Problem?

Jillian is about 15 months old and she has been walking since she was about 11 months. But one thing that is a little peculiar is that she does not like to walk on grass. I guess she likes the feel of hard pavement under her feet or something. I remember Emily was the same way when she was this age but since Emily was an only child at that point it did not create as many interesting situations as it does now with Jillian.

Now when I take the girls outside to play, Emmy and I will play on the grass and Jillian prefers walking on the driveway or sidewalk. So as a Dad, I have to keep an eye on both girls at all times which means that to anybody driving by my house there are many times that they will only see Jillian walking by herself on the sidewalk and possibly not see me standing a few yards away trying to keep both Emily and Jillian in my field of vision.

I don't really worry about Jillian walking into the street since there is about 3 feet of grass between the sidewalk and the street that I know she does not want to walk across. But I keep thinking that one of these days one of my neighbors is going to call the police about a toddler walking the streets by herself and then I will be trying to explain to a police officer that Jillian doesn't like to walk on the grass and I had my eye on her the whole time and....oh forget it!!! Just slap the cuffs on and take me away.

Jillian-October 2006

Victory, Thy Name is Adam!!!

Two weeks ago, Missy and I attended our first parent-teacher conference with Emily's preschool teacher. One of the areas that was marked 'needs improvement' was in the skill of kicking a ball. So being the super-dad that I am, yesterday Emily and I had a game of one-on-one soccer in the front yard. And boy was that teacher right!!! I beat the pants off of Emily 25 to 0. I must of had this conversation with Emmy a dozen times during yesterday's game:

Emily: "Daddy stop knocking me down and taking the ball!!!"

Adam: "Emily, it's called a 'slide-tackle' and it is perfectly legal. Now clean the dirt and grass out of your piggy-tails and let's go."

Just wait until next week when we work on her Ultimate Fighting Championship skills!!!

Disclaimer: The above is a fictional description of an actual soccer game. No 4 year olds were mentally or physically injured while playing soccer. Although a certain 34 year old woke up a little sore this morning.

Me & Emily, Gulf Shores, AL Summer 2006

U Can't Touch This....

5 AM- Alarm clock rings

After 18 minutes of mandatory snoozing, I survey the situation and realize that there are no kids in the bed. I rolled over in the bed and had this conversation with Missy:

Adam: "Hey Missy, I am feeling a little frisky this morning. How about a little early morning delight?"

Missy: "Hmmmm"

Adam: "I'll take that as a: yes"

Missy: "Hmmmm"

Adam: "I'll take that as a: Oh baby!! Hell yes!!"

Missy: louder & clearly annoyed "HMMMMMMMMM"

Adam: "I'll take that as a: what are you waiting for? Take me now Stallion"

Missy: says nothing, rolls over and ignores husband

Adam: snuggles close and whispers "Missy, I have a secret mission for you."

Booty Kisses

This morning when I got back from work, Missy was getting ready to leave for work. I was using the downstairs powder room and Missy was standing at the sink applying makeup. Since the powder room is small and our butts are big, our butts were touching. Emily came up to the door, observed the situation for a second, laughed and informed us that we were giving each other "booty kisses".

A few more weeks/months of Nutrisystem and we will no longer be anymore powder room booty kisses for Mommy and Daddy.

What do you do with a Liberal Wife?

Dear Adam's Blog Reader,


I love my wife but as the title of this post suggests she is a liberal. Not only is she a liberal but she is a hard-core raging liberal. In her blog she is constantly trying to direct her readers to a blog called Blue Girl in a Red State. I finally went broke down and clicked on the link and found the same old liberal BS that you find on all of those hard left wing sites:



-UUUH! Bush is Dumb.



-War is Bad.



-Fox News is Bad.



-Karl Rove is Evil.



-UUUH! Bush is Dumb.



Christopher Hitchens was correct when he said that "Bush is Dumb" is the joke that stupid people tell each other.





But seriously what can I do? Blue Girl even has a section on her blog devoted to Cindy Sheehan. Even the most left main stream politicians have disavowed her. But there is my wife reading web pages like Democratic Underground and Blue Girl and spreading their poison like a plague.



I have tried to have interventions with her. I will put on Fox News and she walks out of the room. I guess because Fox News will actually put on both sides of an issue instead of her usual news channels of choice that will put on 12 Liberals against 1 light weight moderate (CNN, MSNBC, NPR, Etc.).


That is the one part that I really don't understand about liberals. They never want to hear the opposing point of view. They are so afraid that they might hear something that might threaten their little piece of reality that they have carved out for themselves that they are afraid to corrupt it by listening to the other side.


It's like conservative Christians that think that reading Harry Potter books is bad. Is your personal faith so weak that you can't take a minute and read a fictional book about Witches and Wizards? And is your faith so weak that not only do you not want to read these entertaining books but you want to keep everyone else from reading them too? Well no, thank you!!!


I watch CNN, MSNBC, the big three nightly news casts, I listen to NPR every once in a while and I somehow manage to stay grounded in my core beliefs. I check into Realclearpolitics.com and read both liberal and conservative columnists but somehow this is unthinkable to others.


For now all I can do is put out another point of view on my own blog and make sure that I vote every election day to cancel out her uninformed left wing vote.


Signed,
Red Guy in a Red State Married to one of the Bluest of Blue Girls.

Cute Stories

Missy has some cute stories on her blog about the girls:

http://mookiebear.blogspot.com/2007/04/soda-thief-princess.html

http://mookiebear.blogspot.com/2007/04/sisterly-love.html

Good stories, Good pictures, It's no wonder that I married her..

...and for the ladies...

The ladies that I am speaking of course are my lovely wife and two lovely daughters. I have started Nutrisystem today in an effort to lose weight. My package of food arrived yesterday and this morning Missy got up early with me to plan my breakfast and lunch for the day. Last night I weighed myself and I came in at 283.5 lbs which means that I gained all but 6.5 lbs since going off Atkins in November of 2004. My goal is to eventually get down to 190 lbs.

I can use all of the support that I can get in this so please send me your prayers and good thoughts as I try and lose this weight again and this time keep it off. But more importantly if you see me at Kroger heading for the Ben & Jerry's aisle then do whatever you need to do to stop me!!!!

Daddy's Secret Mission

Don't you hate it when your kids learn all of your tricks and they don't work anymore? Even worse is when they start using your own tricks against you.

I used to get Emily to do things around the house by sending her on "secret missions". I would get very serious, look her right in the eye and whisper "I have a secret mission for you. First you get up then you go into the TV room but make sure nobody sees you then you are to pick up all of your Dora toys, place them neatly into your toy box and then report back to me when you are done."

The key to a good secret mission is to be very serious, whisper and give a very specific set of instructions. It worked a few times until she caught on to the fact that all of her secret missions always involved some sort of clean up effort.

Last night at about 4AM, Emily woke up and came running into our room at full speed like she normally does and crawled into bed with us. This time however she forgot to grab her stuffed animals before darting down the hall and here is how it went:


Emily: whispers "Daddy"

Daddy: rolls over and ignores Emily

Emily: a little bit louder whisper "DADDY"

Daddy: "Hmmm"

Emily: "I have a secret mission for you"

Daddy: opens one eye "Hmmm"

Emily: "I need you to get up, go into my room, get my two dogs, one kitten, one panda and one giraffe and bring them back here."




Emily w/Smoovdah (pink dog) & Panda

Remembering Nana, Popa and Andre the Giant

*Warning #1: This post contains a spoiler for The Princess Bride


**Warning #2: If you have not seen The Princess Bride and I find out about it I will be knocking on your door soon DVD in hand.

Growing up we lived very close to my Dad's parents, Nana and Popa, so as a child we got to see them everyday. As we grew older and life got busier we did not see them as often. But Nana and Popa had the solution for that. They would ask my Mom if us kids would please come to their house and rake leaves, mow the lawn or any number of chores. Then when Mom would drop us off and as soon as her car was out of sight Nana and Popa would tell us to get in the car and take us to the movies or McDonald's or both.

On one such occasion in the fall of 1987, Mom was a little annoyed because she wanted us to do some of the chores at our own house. So the entire ride over to Nana and Popa's house, Mom lectured my brother, John, and I that we were being dropped off to work and not to go to the movies or McDonald's or anything else fun.

As usual, as soon as Mom dropped us off and her car was out of sight, Popa took out his car keys and said "okay, let's go." John and I just looked at each other wondering if we should say anything or just go with the flow. Discretion being the better part of valor, we jumped in the car and were on our way to the movies. On the way to the movie theater, Nana told us that we were going to see The Princess Bride. John and I had not heard of this movie and were starting to wonder if this movie was going to be worth facing the wrath of Mom when she finds out that not a single leaf had been raked that day.

The story is presented in the movie as a fairy tale being read by a grandfather (Peter Falk) to his sick grandson (Fred Savage). Not long into the movie there is a character named Fezzik played by Andre the Giant. John and I were big professional wrestling fans at that time so we decided to give the movie a chance. And boy am I glad that we did because it was and still is one of my favorite movies of all time.

It was one of my favorite movies because it was smart and hysterically funny. It remains one of my favorite movies of all time because it is still just as funny as when I first saw it 20 years ago but also because it reminds me of my Nana and Popa and the good times that we used to have when we were supposed to be mowing and raking.

Recently, Missy and I just watched the movie again for the millionth time and I noticed something that I had not noticed before. At the end of the movie when Peter Falk is done reading the book and his grandson asks him to come back tomorrow so that they could read it again and the grandfather replies "As you wish." I am probably one of the only people in the universe that never got what his real meaning was by that but it made the movie all the more special to me when I finally figured it out.

Damn, thinking about Andre the Giant always makes me misty.

Nana and Adam at 4th grade Grandparents Day at Timber Point Elementary School

Left: Adam; Center: Popa; Right: John

(Yes, our Mom dressed us alike.)

Andre the Giant

Disturbing Commercial

Have you seen the Cialis commercial with the older couple? The old guy pops a Cialis pill and the couple was heading upstairs for a little "afternoon delight" when the kids and grandkids show up for an unexpected visit. But its okay because Cialis works for 36 hours.

The commercial continues in the backyard, grandma and grandpa are playing with the kids while leering at each other.

The commercial ends with the kids and grandkids leaving and grandma and grandpa head back upstairs.

I think that is one of the benefits to living thousands of miles away from your parents. There is no chance for any unannounced visits. Just imagine your parents playing with your kids while they have the hots for each other. Imagine the nightmare that would happen if grandpa was taking Viagra for his E.D. problems instead of Cialis. YUK!!!!

It reminds me of the Jerry Seinfeld joke about finding out that you were adopted being good news because it would eliminate any proof that your parents ever actually had sex.

Maybe for Mother's Day or Father's Day this year I will buy my folks a chain for the front door just in case.

The Great Power Outage of 2007

When I woke up this morning the power was out. The power came back shortly after I left for work at 6AM. We then lost power again around 12:30 for a whole 15 minutes!!!. A power outage reminds us of how spoiled we have become. When I was a kid growing up in the 70's and 80's on Long Island, we had the worst electric company and cable company in the world (LILCO & Cablevision) and we lost power at least once a month for a few hours at a time and we lost cable at least once or twice a week. I know that there are old people cringing at what I have just typed saying "IN MY DAY TV WAS CALLED BOOKS AND WE LOVED IT!!!"

Emily and Jillian will never know a whole lot about that. We have satellite TV and in the 7 years that I have lived in Georgia, today was only the 2nd time we lost electricity. But the power outage today threw both girls for a loop. They just could not understand why Daddy couldn't get the TV, microwave or computer to work. It started me thinking about fast forwarding 70 years or so when Emily recounts this traumatic event to her own grandchildren:

Year: 2077

Emily: "Gather around children while I tell you about the Great Power Outage of 2007"

Grandchild #1: "power outage? I have never heard those words used together Grandma?"

Emily: "It was a cold and windy day in Buford, GA and I was watching my favorite show, Dora the Explorer."

All the Grandchildren snicker because they have seen old Dora cartoons on channel 4512, the Oldies Cartoon Network, and they all agree that Dora was pretty lame.

Emily: "When all of a sudden the TV went blank and me and your Great Aunt Jillian did not know what to do."

Grandchild #2: "STOP IT!! STOP IT!! I'm getting scared"

Emily: "Don't be scared. Great Grandpa Adam was there to make us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches so that we can wait out the crisis."

All Grandchildren: "We love Great Grandpa Adam!!! Can we go visit him in the home soon?"

Emily: "Oh I don't know about that? He's just got so many girlfriends since he turned 104 years old."

Just Leave Our Children Alone

I read an article this morning that has upset me very much. Apparently some people broke into a school, stole some industrial strength drain cleaner and poured it all over the school's playground equipment. Now there is a 2 year old in the hospital with chemical burns:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,266134,00.html

I think that every parent in this country needs to band together and have a revolt. Our children are the targets of every sicko out there and we need to do something about it:

-Hey Mr. Pedophile, Could you please not molest our children or post web sites that give the locations where little girls are and how to find little girls and not get caught by the police:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,262700,00.html

-Hey Mr. ACLU Attorney, Could you please help us out and stop defending these people's right to abuse our children:

http://www.foxnews.com/wires/2007Apr11/0,4670,SexOffendersChecks,00.html

-Hey Mr. Liberal Judge, How about putting some of these guys in jail and get them off of the street for a couple decades or so:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,236207,00.html

Parents need to band together and try to make this world safer for our children.

Imus

I think that as a man, having daughters has really changed me in several ways. 5 years ago I probably would have laughed off the things that Imus said about the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team. But now I just could not imagine sending my daughter off to college and having her achieve what these women have achieved at Rutgers and then having some washed up former drug addict DJ call my daughter a "Ho". It's just a shame that when people think of Rutgers Women's Basketball they will think of Imus instead of the achievement that these women attained by finishing 2nd in the tournament. Every woman out there no matter who or where was and still is some one's little girl.

Code of Conduct

I
I am an American, fighting in the forces which guard my country and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense.

II
I will never surrender of my own free will. If in command, I will never surrender the members of my command while they still have the means to resist.

III
If I am captured I will continue to resist by all means available. I will make every effort to escape and to aid others to escape. I will accept neither parole nor special favors from the enemy.

IV
If I become a prisoner of war, I will keep faith with my fellow prisoners. I will give no information or take part in any action which might be harmful to my comrades. If I am senior, I will take command. If not, I will obey the lawful orders of those appointed over me and will back them up in every way.

V
When questioned, should I become a prisoner of war, I am required to give name, rank, service number, and date of birth. I will evade answering further questions to the utmost of my ability. I will make no oral or written statements disloyal to my country and its allies or harmful to their cause.

VI
I will never forget that I am an American, fighting for freedom, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. I will trust in my God and in the United States of America.